My enjoyment of Melbourne 2006 peaked early. The sheer joy of explaining an opening ceremony to your three year-old daughter is something that cannot adequately be put into words. To Adara, it all made sense: the flying tram, the absurdly colourful clothes of some of the nations, the big red dragon on the Welsh flag (”I want to see the dragon again, Daddy” was to be heard frequently on Wednesday night), Ron Barassi walking on water, Dame Kiri singing Happy Birthday to the Queen. (”When’s the Queen going to sing, Daddy?” “She doesn’t sing, Adara, she’s a Queen.”) At least she distracted me from having to listen to the inanities of Ray Martin and co.

There’s some great coverage of the opening ceremony on ausculture.com here and here, so I’ll just stick to a few highlights, lowlights and other observations:

The Queen looked utterly, totally bored.

Someone should have told Prince Philip to shut up and sit still.

Where was the Governor-General, and why was the Prime Miniature usurping his position (silly question, sorry)?

It was great to hear one of the finest Australian songs ever written - “Under The Milky Way” by the Church - but why was it accompanied by a ballet of kids on BMX bikes? If Nicole Kidman was on deck it would have been understandable…

Ron Barassi walking on water with the baton was infinitely more whimsical than all the Leunigisms on display all evening.

That kid who grovelled to HM before introducing Ms Te Kanawa’s rendition of the Hill sisters’ famous ditty was the nadir of the evening for me.

The Australian uniforms were appalling. Not for the first time, of course.

The last three carriers of the baton were the Mayor of the Gold Coast, the Governor of South Australia and the Governor of Victoria. I’m not sure how to put a punchline to that observation.

And did I hear the aforementioned Ray Martin describe one of the flag-bearers as a “skoot sheeter”?

Forget the TV replay. Follow the opening ceremony of Torino 2006 with the Ceremony Media Guide (4.4 meg PDF), which is basically a 71-page storyboard of the opening ceremony issued to the media before the start of proceedings.

www.gazzetta.it, the website of La Gazzetta dello Sport (in Italian of course) seems like a good reference point for the next couple of weeks. The Sydney Morning Herald has a correspondent on the ground (snow? ice?) in Torino running a blog called, what else but Piste Take. And on that note, I look forward with interest to The Guardian’s coverage of the Games.

On the other hand, there’s the return of NBCOlympics.com. Also returning is the all-new official 2006 US team beret.

Now I could understand if this stadium were called the Goodyear Grandstand or the Michelin Mansion. But whatever possessed the architects to create a stadium that looks just like a spare tyre from the outside?

This, as it happens, will be the main arena in Munich for next year’s FIFA World Cup.

Look, this has got to be the baseball story of 2004!

MINNEAPOLIS, Sept. 30 (AP) — Cleveland Indians pitcher Kyle Denney won’t complain about having to dress like a cheerleader again. The white go-go boots that went with the outfit might have prevented a bullet from seriously injuring his leg.

The rookie was hit in the right calf by a shot that came through the side of the Indians’ bus in Kansas City late Wednesday as the team traveled to the airport after a victory over the Royals. The bullet caused only a flesh wound, probably because of the tough leather of the knee-high boot, Denney and his trainers said.

The story continues at the Washington Post.

Firstly, an apology from me. When I thought a number of US athletes in the Opening Ceremony parade were wearing their caps back to front, I didn’t realise that they were actually wearing a special parade cap (illustrated, right). The official fashion designers for the US Olympic team is a company called Roots - see the press release on the USOC website issued on Saturday, after the Opening Ceremony.

But the Australian camp has continued to cop flak over their uniforms. “Look at our mob of lawn bowlers” has been one of the many cries of condemnation. “The Land” newspaper reported on Wednesday that the Australian wool industry was “in damage control”. The general manager of wool operations for the Woolmark Company, who made the uniforms, was putting his own spin (groan!) on things.

In a yarn (grooan!) to the editor of the Australian edition of Vogue Magazine, Andrew Walton said the garments were “a hit” and had the biggest mainstream media publicity for Australian wool in years. Walton went on to say that the uniforms are 70 per cent cotton anyway.

Woolmark’s contract to supply uniforms to the Australian Olympic teams expires after Athens 2004 and is not expected to be renewed.

Read The Land’s report (free registration required). See also the Woolmark Athens 2004 website, which contains photos of the Australian uniforms.

If Jesus could be born in 4BC then I guess the Olympics can start two days before the uttering of the phrase “Let the games begin”.

Let’s get something clear from the outset - opening ceremonies are a wank. And the Athens opening ceremony was a classic (no pun intended) case. It was an incredible achievement and logistic tour de force… but what does this have to do with sport?

I’ll leave my comments, having viewed the replay on channel 7 during the day today, to just a few:

• The torch reminded me of an extraterrestrial pod, and if aliens climb out of it at some stage during the next fortnight I will not be surprised.
• The Americans looked scruffy and arrogant in the Parade of Nations. Couldn’t they at least have all worn their baseball caps either the right way around, or all worn them back-to-front for consistency?
• The Australian jackets looked very ugly to me, and I for one certainly won’t be paying $3995 (plus $40 p&h) for a framed signed copy.
• Erki Nool carried the flag for Estonia! Way to go, Erk!!
• That well-known Greek goddess Bjork performed a number (”Oceania”) that she composed especially for these Games. A fine tradition is continued: Sarah Brightman 1992, Celine Dion 1996, Nikki Webster 2000, Bjork 2004. Nominations for Beijing 2008 are now being taken.

The IOC website has a complete list of the flag bearers at the opening ceremony.

Some reports on the opening ceremony:
Ben Kimber of the Sydney Morning Herald gave detailed updates on their website every 15 minutes.
Jim White of the Telegraph reported on the warmup comedy routine before the ceremony began.
Richard Sandomir of the New York Times reported on the NBC coverage of the opening ceremony.
Jayda Evans of the Seattle Times decided that the worst fashion of the opening ceremony was a tie between the Australian team and Bjork.

Still on Bjork and Oceania, which appears on her forthcoming album Medulla, MTV described Oceania as “Ethel Merman-like”.